Posting but not Publishing... :(

If in fact I have any readers to this blog, I will publish something very soon.  I have posted a few things that I have since retracted in the name of expression without harm done to others.  There is a lot going on (mostly in my head) that is keeping me distracted from staying productive in my life.  I feel as though I have somehow been de-motivated to do anything.  I am not sure if it is depression or if it is something else.  I've been seeing a counselor for some recent emotional trauma.  She's the same lady that I saw for grief related to the passing of my dad and the disbanding of my marriage.  Sometimes I feel that it's not actually me that's talking in these sessions.  Words come out and I can hear them being said in a tone that is vaguely familiar, but in the moment it's like a train wreck--I know I'm talking, it doesn't always seem like it's me, the talking just flows and doesn't seem to stop, and I have difficulty believing that what I am saying is how I actually feel.  It's weird.  I don't know what to make of it right now.  At any rate, there is apparently a lot of chitter-chatter upstairs that has me distracted.  I am currently working (still in my head) on some concepts and designs for some marketable art stuff/swag.  On that note, I just realized how very much I dislike that word--'swag'.  Swag is not what we have, in recent years, made it to be.  Swag is a form of movement, a confidence within a walk or a stroll.